Julie's Journey

Wrote on my Hand

2009-11-05T18:42:00.000-08:00

I wrote on my hand for the first time in a long time today-- I wrote a fwe things down as I drove past a graveyard this morning at 6am. Unfortunately, that was now 15 hours ago and most of it wore off and the thoughts have really faded too. I'll try to at least type the scribbles

frozen ash
breaking cover
breathing frozen
November dawn
cloud frozen in silence

bummer most was lost- but there is hope that writing is coming back....time will tell

Break or be broken- draft

2009-01-28T11:04:00.000-08:00

Solitude, solitude
Of a single note
Played desperately
from the bench
with the touch
of tips,
uninvited
As a rescue call
from silence
For now
its break or be broken

photo to go with writing to come

2009-01-28T06:02:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I have photos to go with writings - on my other blogs- http://blinx365.blogspot.com/2009/01/1-27-09_27.html or the dotsconnecting one. Anyway, I think I'm going to write something about this one...I have another poem in the car that I'll hopefully get up later. I also have a story idea, which is unusual for me..but it is true :D

freewrite sadness-edited

2009-01-02T21:57:00.001-08:00

Sadnesss

Hinting its arrival
upon my mind tonight
I feel the easy sadness
slowly taking flight
wrapping weight upon me
drawing glares down low
carving out my purpose
and leaving me
hollowed and waiting fraily
for indecision
to make its claim.

escape- something different

2009-01-01T13:06:00.000-08:00

This isn't what I normally find myself writing. But it is what came to mind... so its a little different format.. and I'm not thrilled...I might like it later..
The back door reached for me as I ran through it, Trying to grab hold of me with summer screened memories that have long grown stale this winter. Determined to escape, my feet run clumsily over wet leaves and patches of ice. Breath, hardly steady, peeks in between gasps and tears. Trees hold me as I fumbled into the forest’s dark pillars that night. My knotted hair was cold and bothersome sticking to my wet face, dry lips, and tired eyes. Fearing discovery, I ran relentlessly. Even though I felt my legs ripping inside, and my feet tingling from the cold. I tripped over branches and rocks until I could smell the river. It was frozen over this time of the year, but the more recent rain made me doubt. Doubt its integrity to hold me up, as it’d promised it would so many afternoons prior when I’d tell my secrets. As far as I can see, it looks solid enough. What lies beyond my sight ,though, is unknown. I slowly lift my dress enough to place my ankle lower. I close my eyes. Filled with faith and doubt, I only let half of my weight down. Imagining that even if only half of me could escape, I’d still go.
It held me. I walked slowly on the top of the sopping ice. My knees remained bent and terrified. I couldn’t keep from shaking. Not just shivering, but jolting for fear and freeze had consumed me. Fortunately, I had forgotten about crying for the time being. I looked up and saw how large the moon looked tonight. I felt slightly inspired by the reflection it made on the watery ice. Until…panic stole my breathe. As I saw the moonlight freeze above me. The shock of falling in numbed only my body. My mind was smashing into thoughts quicker than I could follow. I have to surface now. Make myself move. Paralyzed completely with fear, pain, and suffocation I flash to feeling the same need to escape that drove me here initially. I almost will myself up. Mustering all strength to keep from inhaling, I reach the top. A thin freeze has already formed. My hands move in slow motion with a weak blow. Fortunately, it was only a delicate refreeze and the sheet quickly scattered. I took a rough breath in several times with my head above and my iced fingers searching for an edge bold enough to hold my weight. I got on, but each time I’d try to move cracks and splinters would break my rest. With no energy or will left in me I closed my eyes and let go of my slippery salvation to float. My dark hair haloed my face, which I’m certain was turning the shade of death. Slower and slower my breath passed through my lips. I detected the moonlight through my closed lids. Moments passed, my body was convulsing with chill. I could almost hear my bones clanking into each other. In fact, I’m certain that’s was I’m hearing. I’m hearing something clanking. Of course, with ears under the water it’s hard to tell. Then, I felt a thud. I had bumped into an edge of the river. I managed to crawl out of the water by gripping at dead grass and frozen roots. My nails felt the splinters stabbing underneath as I came out of the water. So, now what? Yelling seems most appropriate. “HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!” Between distressing pleas I’d become nearly hypnotized by how blue the sky was against the empty trees as morning was nearing. Crying with tears that won’t come, everything pales into a dizzy blur. I turn to my side in the late November leaves and listen to my taunts. “What’s left doesn’t seem worth saving; but I’m in no place to complain.”

sleeveless rough draft again

2008-12-01T13:30:00.000-08:00

what's left of my heart
rests on my sleeve
and quietly whispers
retreat

fineprint in fingertips
deceptively forgotten
my arms stay aching ,tired, and
worn

out from hiding
and riding
the storms

with
echoes unheard
and
heart sleeves removed

collected

2008-12-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

Collecting thoughts

collector of thoughts
afraid to pitch the potential
or forget why we feel
dusty
reflections in attic spaces
untouched documentation to
prove, improve, remove
myself

unsteady hands
numbly fumbling
through pages of illegible worlds that
belong to another me

the one who wrote
when everything was passion
and causes woke her in the night,
and everything
was worthy.

man made moons

2008-12-01T13:20:00.000-08:00

i have more for this one maybe...

back bent and frail arms
so much is lost
and gone forever

I can't bear to look
at you
be better
be different
entertaining you w/ the naivity

of man made moons and helpless stars

strength

2008-12-01T13:15:00.000-08:00

It doesn't matter who I used to be
who you used to be
what we did, or thought we
knew about each other

seeing you smile
your life
abandoned

speaking
ignorant of cancer
grown from the selfishness of lies
you seem too much the same
painfully strengthening me

last of set of photos

2008-11-28T17:37:00.000-08:00

I just realized...

2008-11-28T17:31:00.000-08:00

Ijust realized I have been posting this on the wrongblog this should be on the blinx blog where I goingto take daily photos to see how we all changed over a year..but it didn't quite work out that way. Oh well, I'll have to fix it next time.

more new pics

2008-11-24T17:55:00.000-08:00

low lights and eyebrow threading

2008-11-24T17:45:00.000-08:00

I am a new convert. No more will I get my eyebrows waxed. I did eyebrow threading today for the first time. 11 dollars, plus tip gave me a brow shape that I am happy with.it is more arched. Also, here are some red low lights in my hair

squirrels are nuts- sorry this is supposed to be on my other blog, but I already uploaded the photo here.

2008-11-24T17:04:00.000-08:00

EEEEK the squirrels are ganging up around my tomato plant by my back door. Three of them were too close for comfort the other day. Here are some photos of the rodents!

Hesitant rain -remix lol

2008-10-10T12:22:00.001-07:00

I am tinkering with combining the freewrite with what has been haunting me..

Your smile,
like hesitant rain
vanishes in my
rear-view reflection
of empty seats
and quicksand memories

Your smile,
tenderly forsaken
for the greater "anything"
seems tragically familiar
and misplaced
in yesterdays and tomorrows

Lies, trapped
under
Time wrapped
hollow
to look good on paper.

Lingering by the deep
Eyes barely reveal
you're just waiting for the dare

freewrite 10-05-08 from lyrics of a song I heard

2008-10-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I did a freewrite. I heard a song and it had a few lyrics that powerfully stood out in my mind: "ocean frozen" and "where a tree once stood".
I just figured I'd share what I jotted-- it was just a line or so on scrap paper-- I need to get back to my roughdrafts on dotsconnecting but I kind of lost sight of that when my scanner broke....

I'm trapped
under
Time wrapped
hollow
to look good on paper.

hesitant rain

2008-09-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

It's been entirely too long to claim I'ma 'writer'- Really...only the first few lines have been haunting me- but I figured if I intend to do any open mics I need more than a few lines--

Your smile,
like hesitant rain
vanishes in my
rear-view reflection
of empty seats
and quicksand memories

Your smile,
tenderly forsaken
for the greater "anything"
seems tragically familiar
and misplaced
in yesterdays and tomorrows

Lingering by the deep
Eyes barely reveal
you're just waiting for the dare

inspiration :)

2008-05-27T19:33:00.000-07:00

I went to a poetry reading tonight. I wasn't sure if I'd enjoy an event that didn't allow participation. I was wrong. I jotted some things down that I'll TRY to put together here. I have more going on inside than it might seem, watching the ordinary and the scenes store away until the words come with it. Tonight inspired more than just casual observance. Right now I'm wishing I weren't so tired when trying to write this, but if you write you know I can't sleep until it's out.

Tonight both women poets were older than me, that was expected. I felt as if I could relate differently to both. One was a teacher, one a children's literature writer...I could see myself in both. One doesn't follow form, one leaves writing then returns or rather is found...again sounds familiar.

With that: here's some of the things that may or may not develop into something but they were worth noticing for me.

Forgiveness

Some dresses are forgiving
others require forgiveness
Hers was both
in a room of habit
calling home seems
tempting, but forgetable.

Voices that sound their age
but don't act it
play roles cut off
for victims of
identity

smiles come easy out of survival
fortune teller glances
and self questioning
of where ten years will place me...
twenty?
it's quiet.
quiet is uncommon.
uncomfortable.
healthy.

Feeling older than I am
but younger than I think...
think. young. thoughts.

those glasses are quite "transparent"
in your hands and on your face (and in your mind)
of course it'd be unconventional
if you didn't appear thirsty
besides it passes time
and a page read with frames on
sirens immediate removal before continuing

what if they broke?
the reader, the glass? the glasses?
didn't drink, though it filled nervous moments
didn't pose the vision changes
didn't look away when conversation stilled?
pity we didn't find out.

no right to

2008-04-07T11:47:00.000-07:00

Baretoed mornings
faint explosions on my feet
as bubbles burst upon
introductions

Skirts made just for spinning
spinning for skirts
float just below knees
pulling summer memories
into early spring

today feels like may
but has no right to
....
does it anyway.

escape

2008-03-26T13:14:00.000-07:00

Its raining overcast switches
calling back
thoughts that escape
somehow this brings me to you

fallen trees

2008-03-15T12:35:00.001-07:00

Aren't your arms tired?

Even when they're bare?

defeated by the windand the lack of care

..ingratitude,,,

you fall

It isn't until its too late

and all ignorances

finally cease

and questionhow

and what to do now

in a world will fallen trees.

I WON!!!

2008-03-06T16:46:00.000-08:00

HEY HEY HEY HAPPY HAPPY I WON!!!!
I WON I WON I WON TEH WRITING CONTEST!
I GET PUBLISHED IN THE PAPER AND GET TO READ AT THE OPEN MIC!!! :)

I Knew it Well
By: Julie B.

I walked feet without thought
down the path that I knew quite well
It's beauty still there
but the gray wind darkened trees
and showed the lifeless shades

The path foot trodden off to the side
approaching
I stepped hard into mud
covered by leaves
and reached behind to grab a hand

no grip was there
except my own
and the view didn't seem
near the same

It was untouchable still
but the feeling surreal
and I know it by heart
but not name

All she knows-

2008-02-17T20:20:00.000-08:00

All she knows is beautiful
but she won't say a word
even though her shine is dimming,
her thoughts will go unheard

All she is, is beautiful
but you would never know
you're too busy staring
(as she reamins in pose)???not sure if i should keep last line

based on this art:" Flamenco Dancer" R.L Vieta

too much old stuff

2008-02-12T20:22:00.001-08:00

I attempted to paste my old stuff here....here's some more I have
"but who's counting...

What can eternity feel like
When does time fly by
when does life take to living
instead of a steady die

When do feather flutter
in an awakening new leap
and seconds minutes hours
are no longer what we keep

watch of and vainly capture
or try to store or keep or plan
our lives around the ticking
slowly kicking of those hands

Who them will push and pull us
and whose burden heavy fall
when time no longer binds us
and time we don't recall?"

however, I'm weary of pasting...lazy? yeah I little- I have too much some better than others- so whatever at this point- I'll just write new stuff unless i run across something that is worth the effort.

something

2008-02-06T14:07:00.001-08:00

this all looks better
against the black
hanging on tired nails....

pose old

2008-01-29T13:16:00.001-08:00

Is it because I'm afraid it will disappear
That the things I hold now
might not always be near

That whatever joy I find in ordinary
whatever thoughts I keep in time
might someday just fade out
and no long find themselves mine

That whatever I'm doing
will be ignored
or forgotten

Whatever I gain along the way
will just slip into the memory
or lost in future days

So freeze
just click it
everything that you see

Document it
catch its soul
catch a part of me

Don't pass by
so quickly
isn't it the world
to you
to me
or anyone
the wonderings of this girl

dear lyrics

2008-01-29T13:11:00.000-08:00

Dear lyrics to the the song that breaks my heart
I don't know why but I really like listening to you
I was wondering if you would like to spend some time with me.

I don't remember all of your words in the right order
I'm sure I have you on file somewhere
but just thinking of you....
and wanted you to stop by
make me feel for the night.

If I get your words down right
I'll make them into a great song
so if you find the time
come on by
and let me hum along.

tulip trees- a boy riding with a basket on his head? old

2008-01-29T13:10:00.000-08:00

Tulip trees
and storms of spring
Dance near me in the rain
Warm and slow
shadows and blows
sweet scents of living rest

The sky should be black
not a cloud in the sky
the blinding rays
juxtopposed to my eye
The heavy downpour
no rainbow in sight
the tulip spring storm
just doesn't seem right

The boy on his bike
priorities unwaise
for to cover his head
he also covered his eyes

What a head shake
I gave as I saw
the basket covered head
not brake
Still pedaling peeping
through weaves in the thread
That boy is so crazy
he might end up dead

Sooner than others
spring fever parades
as rain drops fall slower
and onto yellow flowers
Grand entrance this year
unsure of lion or lamb
both wind and thrashing in soft sunlight showers

blink- old writing

2008-01-29T13:09:00.000-08:00

Afraid to blink
it might become real
if I close this lid
and let the pain feel
the emptiness of my hands

If I close my eyes I can't see
can't watch or wait
I'll lose my vision
in a smear
of pain and feeling
of unknown and fear

If I blink you'll look over
and see and ask why
so its just so much easier
if you don't see me cry

She sits eyes opened
intentionally wide
Hair spiked with product
and worn makeup with
pride

unblinking

racing old writing

2008-01-29T12:41:00.001-08:00

Catching up with myself
Not lost far behind
Trying to keep
and then beat my own time

Years in a glance
and time stone still
Is this how life really
is suppose to feel?

crying lake- old

2008-01-29T12:39:00.000-08:00

crying lake

It would have been darker
if the city weren't so close
but still it was dark enough
to tell

The lake was lonely
clinging closely
to the moon's reflecting
spell

THe wind was barely
enough to sweep my bangs
across my eye

But just enough
of dusk filled blowing
to carry the lake's soft cry

The moon
shaken
and softly quaking
in the ripples of the lake

Creeps higher still
and against its will
nights journey it does make

Leaving me
passing only
for a moment
and then deserting
to her time

to hear the whimper
in the whisper
of the lake as
i walk by

old stuff that I'm too lazy to individually post...

2008-01-28T20:01:00.000-08:00

Noise
Noise

Hands pulling at the roots
and the palms against my face
trying to covers ears
and trying to find some grace-
the conversation screaming to the song that keeps repeating
the red is crashing through my drums
and I can't find a way to numb
the noise and stop the run
the momentum is too high
that i can't stop the spinning of the ordinary life---
inside i feel the dizzy
inside i feel the pit
but outside the body slows and goes
through motions as if it
doesn't realize the sound is coming
from inside of my own heart
and it just can't dance right-

Not I , said the fly

You sing the wrong words to that song in your head, in fact you've never sang them right, Waver between bellows, soft screams, and then mumbling over lip bites to fudge through the words you sing wrong. Its funny to watch you sing, when you think you aren't being seen....are you finished poking fun? she asks as she intentionally pokes back? Almost he said and then he asks, so how did that song go again?

The clopping hoofs were growing distant as Jonathan was walking down the brick street. Stretching out his legs intentionally with each step and shaking the circulation back in made for quite the absurb walk, but he didn't much mind. A woman was walking with her children and loudly whispering to them to , "keep walking" and "don't point" as they laughed at Jonathan silly stride. He came to a corner and stopped, decided to kneel down and review his map, as he was down there a car came sweeping by and cut so close to him he nearly wet himself, and to be honest, he kind of did, but that was neither here nor there. This car was beige and not seemingly intimidating by looks, but those can be deceiving as Jonathan had just found out- he couldn't tell who was driving, but he nevetherless felt
the need to yell out, "HEY!" at them and shake his fist, as quickly as the car was gone and it was obvious that no sign of its return was in sight Jonathan looked around,...did anyone see it? .... no. Humpf he said as if that and the shaking of his head and slight mumblings under his breath would be a fitting reaction for the crowd that was not even there. He again..but more cautiously knelt to his pack to find the map when he noticed something shinning on the curb that he hadn't seen before.. it was golden with some diamond like stones in it in the shape of some egyptian princess --- not sure if it had been there all along or if appeared in the ordeal..and since no one was around, Jonathan picked it up and placed it in his pocket.

a mother, a mom, me?

calluses form on my hands each day
and the once perfumed scent has since faded 'way
i see how it happens
how over time
mothers become moms
my back will some day break from the way i carry you-
but that day won't come i hope not anytime soon-
no one day i'll be much different than now
and age will catch up with me too
but i don't fear it or even regret the way i take care of you-
i see now how mothers become moms
and clothes don't fit the same way-
how as a teen I'd quick mock and question their taste
but now i realize it was my perspective waste -

couldn't tell it to me then-
and i doubt any kid would believe
but parents really do know more than we ever did think
back when lip gloss was important and sparkles by eyes
I'd say,
never
no way
not me
but now i see
and now i realize -
a mother, a mom's not that bad to be

Sleepy but inspired...

Awake with yesterday's makeup still on my face
Frost's words on my mind
replaying line by line

Shake Mistake Shake
Sleep not in sight
but then again my eyes are closed

Sleepy but inspired...

Awake with yesterday's makeup still on my face
Frost's words on my mind
replaying line by line

Shake Mistake Shake
Sleep not in sight
but then again my eyes are closed

Sleepy but inspired...

Awake with yesterday's makeup still on my face
Frost's words on my mind
replaying line by line

Shake Mistake Shake
Sleep not in sight
but then again my eyes are closed

Sometimes regret is silent
it doesn't make a sound
At least not when
others are around

You've seen them
the smiles are fake
the awkward eyes try
to look away casually
to avoid to deny

Sometimes regret is silent
not because its not saying a word
but because of what is being said
would rather not be heard

Sometimes regret is silent
it stores up all its sound
and pops out most unwelcome
when everyone's around

Sometimes regret is broken
glass
and just too much to take
and lifes are ended
and suspended
for in silence some do break

Talk

We mean to say I love you
but we talk about the weather
and mean to say we're sorry
but we talk about the day

ANd so or time is wasted
and it has been this way for years
that now we barely know each other
except for the bullet point news

Growing up mostly has meant growing apart
but we weren't really much together

How Often..

How often do you think of me? Or rather do you still?
Does something trigger trigger
and a smile comes unwilled?

Or is your day just work work work
and is your mind elsewhere
THe company of a memory
might help me pass my day...
but is it ever for you this way?

How Often..

How often do you think of me? Or rather do you still?
Does something trigger trigger
and a smile comes unwilled?

Or is your day just work work work
and is your mind elsewhere
THe company of a memory
might help me pass my day...
but is it ever for you this way?

How Often..

How often do you think of me? Or rather do you still?
Does something trigger trigger
and a smile comes unwilled?

Or is your day just work work work
and is your mind elsewhere
THe company of a memory
might help me pass my day...
but is it ever for you this way?

Faded

Time has given it a fading that comes only from days filled with memories and underappreciation..

Motions- from a conversatoin yesterday

Going through motions
to distance yourself
in the name of relgion
you cling

So close to your notions
traditions and such
that you barely resemble
your King

Do it for show
to show what you do
and create a new us and them

Going through motions
and drowning in oceans
of watered down
easy doctrine

but who's counting...

What can eternity feel like
When does time fly by
when does life take to living
instead of a steady die

When do feather flutter
in an awakening new leap
and seconds minutes hours
are no longer what we keep

watch of and vainly capture
or try to store or keep or plan
our lives around the ticking
slowly kicking of those hands

Who them will push and pull us
and whose burden heavy fall
when time no longer binds us
and time we don't recall?

Stingy

Brought on by a conversation:

Don't be stingy with your memories
Don't keep your stories to your own
Let me take a peek inside
and see just what you have known

All we are is memories
you can only know my past
Some can share the time together
but the moments never last

Rare few there are that have the same
experiences too
so please be kind and share a memory
as I have shared with you.

you worry too much

hey girl
quit stressin
stop messing with your hair
quity mirror practicin tha tstare
your time wastin
and priorities lack
anything to be proved of

so worried bout thinkin
u are sinking and settling for things
far less
you need to snap out
of you fantasy land
quit thinking this world is all you
and word to the wise
life's more than guys

bait

you made yourself vulnerable girl
wake up to the world
isn't as small as you'd like

babbling to self
talkoing to air
create the most obvious bait
exaggerate
vulnerable
but you like the ride
hooked and lined.. just waiting for the end

what you think

you say what you think wants to be heard...first mistake...

Boxes

- Edged and corners bending- from all too much of wear- Holding ever steady the things filled with our care- The boxes center weakening and molding from the weight - yet cardboard brown enduring until its final fate- Fingers turning white from the grib that has grown tight from too long holding- too long folding onto the edges and corners bending- from all too much of wear.

Boxes

- Edged and corners bending- from all too much of wear- Holding ever steady the things filled with our care- The boxes center weakening and molding from the weight - yet cardboard brown enduring until its final fate- Fingers turning white from the grib that has grown tight from too long holding- too long folding onto the edges and corners bending- from all too much of wear.

Preplanned
the breath
the birth
and the death
yet I still try to pencil it in.

Unforgettable

The orange October moon
seems fitting to the sky
which now is chaning dusk to dark
as these last minutes of light pass by

The wind is carrying with it
the scent of leaves
gone damp

And as I inhale
in that instant
I am quickly taken back

Wet leaves beneath the dry ones
the dragging feet turn to
make a moistured mixture
as I'm walking through

its dusk
then dark
when raking leaves
and crumples fall
between the sleeves
of the flannel buttoned shirt
another hand me down
that made me feel like autumn
unforgettable

I woke up at 4am, a few hours late of being poetic.

Windblown

2008-01-26T14:08:00.001-08:00

Yesterday
pools under my feet
as the trashcan's empty
rocking
is blowing through me
with the push
that tomorrow they'll be rain.

Lavendar and Grey

2008-01-09T06:18:00.000-08:00

The night was lavendar and grey when you quit. The scent of rain grew stronger and close and you turned to go. The night you left me I felt silence and it was home. The moment was racing and playing unreal-- was this my life? The stars can't be seen very well because of lights in the lot-- but I know they could see- they were shaking their heads at you and reaching for me-- but for now my eyes won't look up. I know how tomorrow will feel and then the next-- and in time I'll be fine-- but tonight will be rough as I know that I'll be playing, replaying thoughts in my mind-- the day was lovely and sweet and I didn't expect you to change-- but there I stood in a lot alone with a Darkening violet, lavender, and gray---and the approaching scent of rain to carry me home.

not there yet

2007-12-21T13:39:00.000-08:00

jots i have to connect later
-car
-traffic
-dark
-rain
-wipers
-tailights
-close call
-shatterproof
-tears
broken words
flash smile
pull hair back
as if seeing more clearly

i don't know where its going

bearing skin

2007-10-13T05:09:00.000-07:00

The mask fits best
when you don't know who you are
When everything you thought you knew
instantly is far

All that's left
is hidden
and all that's there
was lost

So foreign now seems skin
masquerading through the day
The fit is tighter every moment
as your role you play

wake up Fall

2007-10-01T05:00:00.001-07:00

Listening to last nights rain
on Monday's tires keep
October's early morning
rolling through my sleep

and so I return,,,,wet feet

2007-08-31T11:53:00.000-07:00

wet footprints on the sun shade porch
I wish could freeze in time
no sweeter paint could artist make
than your tiny toes and mine

Gently tap and splash the puddle
warmed by August's noon
blinded by the bright reflection
in your little pool

You know nothing of the speed
at which your life will pass
and so you take wet footprints
with you when you splash

you know nothing of the speed
at which your life will pass
or why your mommy wishes that
your tiny footprints last.

The fist

2007-08-06T14:31:00.000-07:00

i've never had to try so hard
to hang on to myself
of course maybe before i prefered drifting
shifting to what fit my company
but now the crowd's gone
I keep grasping at memories of who
I thought I was
wanted to be
really became
feared to become
was i more true then
or now to myself
that scene I'll never forget
from 8th grade history
9th grade crushes
10th grade loss
11th grade changing into 12th grade roles
why do I feel like I'm still in high school
a high school of one
i'm playing both parts
teaching and learning
thesame
i've never had to try so hard to hang on to myself
even though i'm not sure what is worth the fist

This is from the Writer's Almanac...not mine...

2006-08-29T14:45:00.000-07:00

This is from the Writer's Almanac but I liked the way it read..

Poem: "Second Chance" by Louis McKee from Near Occasions of Sin. © Cynic Press. Reprinted with permission.

Second Chance

In my dream I return
to the place I went
wrong, and given this
chance to change
things, I go on
down the way I went
before. Even in sleep
I know there is only one go—
and it went well
the first time. Where
it didn't- well, it will
be good to see her again.

sleepy but inspired- old writing

2006-08-19T14:53:00.000-07:00

Awake with yesterday's makeup still on my face
Frost's words on my mind
replaying line by line

Shake Mistake Shake
Sleep not in sight
but then again my eyes are closed

some of my lamer old writings

2006-08-19T14:52:00.000-07:00

calluses form on my hands each day
and the once perfumed scent has since faded 'way
i see how it happens
how over time
mothers become moms
my back will some day break from the way i carry you-
but that day won't come i hope not anytime soon-
no one day i'll be much different than now
and age will catch up with me too
but i don't fear it or even regret the way i take care of you-
i see now how mothers become moms
and clothes don't fit the same way-
how as a teen I'd quick mock and question their taste
but now i realize it was my perspective waste -

couldn't tell it to me then-
and i doubt any kid would believe
but parents really do know more than we ever did think
back when lip gloss was important and sparkles by eyes
I'd say,
never
no way
not me
but now i see
and now i realize -
a mother, a mom's not that bad to be

freewrite- watching old post

2006-08-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

watching... this wrist is twisting the time from my hands and watching the hands treadmill run .. this ticking and kicking of short and then long and watching and waiting and weighting and "watch"ing and tipping the tap of the heartbeat of time that i hear in my ear when the to the wrist I rely - quick tap on the plastic which could have been glass had the money been wasted and spent- to see if the watching had really escaped and the time that was passing had went

shades- old writing

2006-08-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

"Man!" I wish I hadn't forgot my sunglasses at home, more so now that this road has turned and i have to squint eyes near shut just to continue driving. I put the radio on scan, hoping to pick up some station other thank bluegrass and the preacher condemning me to blazes. I had been following a little white car earlier, but I guess its up ahead a few hills now, because all I see is monotony here- dirt to the sides, blue above, and gray ahead. Dotted suggestions of where to keep my car between squints and blinks. I steer with one hand on the wheel, elbow bent out the window and the other hand trying to blindly feel for my bottle of water that rolled off the passenger seat last hill. Quarter tank taunting me for not stopping at the last exit to refuel- so I've resorted to 4-55 or in this case, 4-70 cooling. I had grown tired of the scanning and just turned the background noise off and started talking to myself to stay awake. "Okay, it's 4:07. 4:07 is a good time, I've been driving for..let's see I left at eight so plus four then plus four again, and seven minutes, eight hours and seven minutes, well now eight minutes- eight hours and eight minutes." My rear view was practically non-existant since I had loaded the car to the max. Wishing I hadn't downed that whole container of pringles has intensified. Now not only am I thirsty, but I had to GO because I had drank a lot of water while eating them" I hadn't realized it but I had started to sing to myself. Just a little hum, but then I had gotten louder...tapping my hands on the wheel.....
"Wait a minute..didn't I turn that off?"
I looked at the radio and it was on again. "Hmmm? That's odd. Well maybe I hit it or something by accident."

"Sheesh! I can't believe that was the last thing she said to me before I left." I thought to myself slowly getting more upset about the last conversation I had with her before I headed out this morning. Did I mention I left my sunglasses at home? What's worse is that I know EXACTLY where they are. Right by the back door on the counter below where I hang my keys. Sitting there innocent enough.
"WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????!!!!!!!!"
I slammed on the brakes as quickly as I could and turned the well to a sharp left- I didn't even know this little car could make such a sound - screaming for its life, and mine for that matter! There I was driving along, in the replaying of my morning memory when my road was gone. Not from underneath me- but from in front of me- it just stopped- no warning- no signs- just cliff- I nearly fell off- what a thing to be thinking about before you'd fall off a cliff a stupid pair of sunglasses. Why do they call it a pair? it's only one..unless its individually termed like the left sunglass and the right sunglass, but I'd never heard of that before... what am I doing?! "I can't believe it?!?" I fuddled around a bit pushing my sweaty hair back from my forehead to my neck - thinking this would cause someone to ask me what I was doing and I'd be able to explain- though there was no one to explain it to- and even if I had the chance, it'd be like a lame eye witness on the evening news - 'Well it was there, and then all of a sudden it wasn't!" I need to call someone I guess, now I'm really regretting. The delaying refueling, the pringles, and the water!

Talk-old post

2006-08-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

old post-
We mean to say I love you
but we talk about the weather
and mean to say we're sorry
but we talk about the day

ANd so or time is wasted
and it has been this way for years
that now we barely know each other
except for the bullet point news

Growing up mostly has meant growing apart
but we weren't really much together

hidden woods

1999-08-26T00:03:00.000-07:00

Thursday, August 26, 1999

Hidden woods where I stand
thinking of new ways>
for this path had not been taken>
my any other on this land>
I feel I might discover>
some place of my own>
Because there's been no other>
to set place on this stone>
I make my way through the high grown ivy,brush, and grass>
to where I find a little stream a comfort place at last.>
by this stream there are 3 stones>
quite big and 2 were flat>
I dip my fingertips over the edge>to see if it's too cool as I feel the cold sensation I notice my>
reflection.>
The sun is at it's fullest,>
but I'm hidden behind>
a willow, that shades me from the heat>
Around me also is a red bud,and honey suckle with blossoms ever sweet.>
A prism shines upon the creek as I lay my body down. A cold breeze>
chills me so I get up and move around.>
>I pull up my cuffs and twinkle my toes in the edge of water.
>Such a lazy,lazy day>I feel there’s more to see.
>SO I walk around the creek to find more of me>
My shadow is playing games with me.
>As it grows and shrinks with time.
>I remember when my shadow
>was but half this size.
>A delicate white flower>with pollen so set right>with long green stems>holding it up so bright>
>It's petals are half hanging>
for it's nestled right between the place where the sun doth shine>
and where the shadows gleam>
it's pretty near the water>
a perfect place to see>
all the happenings of the serene fish>
and peferct place to listen to the wind's quiet wish.>
>As I move on, the cat tails entrigue me
>So I go to the edge ,.
>and reach my hand in the water>
tiny minnows run and the crystal clear is empty>
who else has been here no one not any.